an email I stole from the axe murderer's mailbox

That perverted little fuckstick been writin about me for ten years, stealin my best lines. I've had it with that shit. I'm outin' him as the sick twisted little plagiarizer that he is. And a pervert, too. But first, one of his private emails.

Date: Mon, 11 Aug 1997 19:55:24 -0500 (CDT)
From: axe murderer
To: axe murderer
Subject: note to self


(vivacious, with be-pop and/or alterna-rock sound.)

i saw you reading it when you thought no one was around
i saw you reading it when you damned it so out loud
you trash so many things that know nothing about
i guess you'd been so cruel that you wanted to find out

i saw you reading it and i know just what it was
it was not the bible and it wasn't atlas shrugged
i'm not gonna tell you so know won't know when to stop
i saw you reading it when you thought we all were gone

you found out that all were one. /////////////////////
(guitar solo, extra pasty)


i saw you reading it
i saw you smiling
i saw you eating it
i saw you smiling
i saw you reading it
i saw you reading it
i saw you reading it
and i saw you smiling

(drum solo)

watch out for falling rocks!

(FALLING ROCKS)

Falling rocks falling rocks
helpless is as helpless cocks
i cock helpless so dost thou
ond we gebiddon eower hrothgar

Falling rocks falling rocks
ibsen try to capture spock
spock cocks helpless klingons rock
star trek is as star wars mocks

lubben blubben blibben bleb
huggle fuggle higgel keH
miggle muggle bigger BEVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV
erage earl of sandwich und der vrel

BEEEEEEEVVVVVVVVVV and BREAKFAST

(to the tune of 'oh tannenbaum')

Oh beverly my sweet girly i do so dear ador you
oh bev, oh oops i mean stephanie, mine eyes are only for you
not only do i love steph- i mean marie but also dearly
drawn to marie, i mean kimberly

oh kimber-kimber-tara lee, i love you so my
sara- i mean tara- i mean sweet kellie
my sweet kell- in mean hell i mean helena v.
i mean my one and only tel a vi -

sion my wonderful Veronica

and that is the end of my sonica

Now with that unpleasantness behind us, we can now move on to...


The Fabulous

 -----   |       /---\   |---\      ----  /---\    /--\   | /
 |--     |       |---|   |---/       |    |---|   |       |/
 |       |_____  |   |   |      \____/    |   |    \--/   | \

adventures in the land of booty

gonna get da booty
gonna get da booty
gonna get da booty
gonna... gonna... gonna get...

(chorus)
Bend over baby,
i wanna hump dat rump
Bend over baby,
i wanna humd dat rump

i am daddy flapjack and i
want to fool around
i wanna get my big hard cock
in to your fat behind

(chorus)
Bend over baby
I wanna hump dat rump
Bend over baby
I wanna hump dat rump

(bridge)
Bend over baby
I wanna see you pump
bend over baby
or i through you back to da swamp

(cuitar colo)

(repit choeras)

(fade)

[ D@ popz l&tIn brEkf@st ]
[ h&z bIn c&ns@ld frInds ]
[ T&Nks fOR SoIN Intr@st }

[ lONg lIv D@ pop ]
[ lONg lIv D@ pop ]
[ lONg lIv D@ pop ]

[ lONg liv di pop ]
[ SVt Vp apu ]
[ SVt Vp bart ]

Startin to look like perl code, eh ?
Well sight right back and see some real perl

#!/usr/bin/perl
#put the email address of all your friends in .watchrc

open(RCFILE,".watchrc") || die;

while(<RCFILE>)
{
  chop;
  push (@alist,$_) if $_;
}

$found=0;

while($found==0)
{
  foreach $thing (@alist)
  {
   ($uname,$host)=split(/\@/,$thing);
   open(FTEXT,"finger \@$host 2>/dev/null |");
   while ($fline = )
   {
    if ($fline =~ /^$uname/)
      {
        print "\n\a" if ($found==0);
        print $fline;
        $found=1;
      }
    }
  }
}