the axe murderer's junior prom

Did the axe ever tell any of ya'll about his junior prom? Apparently, he asked some poor old fat girl in his class to the prom because she liked his poetry or some bullshit like that. Also, her dad was the little 80-year old man with no jaw who bagged the groceries down at Schambeau's.

Then he got to know her a little bit better, and found out that she was a racist sack of shit. Said the n-word all the time, had been kicked out of her old high school because she kept getting in fights with all the black chicks, etc.

So the little old 16 year old longhaired motherfucker someday to be known as the axe murderer decided that maybe this wasn't a girl he wanted to date after all. Of course by then it was too late, he'd already went out and got his hair cut in a mullet for that girl. Also, she'd already bought the damn dress or something and she gave him all kinds of bullshit when he tried to break up with her, so he ended up taking her anyway. In a fucking limo, no less!

She wanted to go to a chinese restaurant in Tillman's Corner called "House of Chin". Bitch already had a couple of chins, why'd she wanna go get another one? But they ended up going to a steak and seafood place where the Axe couldn't get his steak well done and that spoiled stupid chick kept bitching 'bout there being bits of crab shell in whatever she was eatin. Bitch, when you eat shit made outta real crabs there's gonna be some shell. That's how you fuckin know it's real!

At the prom, the girl's mom and big burly gay biker looking stepdad was there with a video camera to film the poor Axe Murderer's doom. After the sickening dancing was over, she wanted to go to a hotel, presumably to fuck, and apparently with the blessing of mom and ole Leonard Smalls.

But Axe wasn't having any of that shit. After taking that girl home and getting rid of the limo, he went off speeding around in his daddy's 1986 town car and listening to Guns N' Roses and crying his fucking eyes out like a little fucking baby. Lemme get this straight, Axe, not only did you have a miserable fucking time at your prom, but you also passed up your one and only chance to get laid in high school like a real person does? And then later you wrote a coupla of songs that nobody will ever hear about what a bitch she was, and to top it off you stole the title "powercow" from somebody else and never gave them credit. And you never tole her none of this shit to her face. And years later you still sometimes whack off thinking about that damn bitch and what she did to you. Fuck you, you little pansy ass whooping boy.

Lemme tell what Flapjack woulda done. I'd a took her back to the hotel, and fucked her in the ass. You'd have to be pretty damn blind to not know that a bitch like that must be a hard core butt slut. I'd a tied her to the bed so she couldn't git away, tied her mouth shut so that the only noise she could make was "mmmmmooooooo" like the big fat cow she was, and fucked her in the ass saying "mooo, you fucking cow!"

But that ain't all. Then I'd leave her tied up there, and leave the hotel. After several hours, I come back with Chris Rock, Dave Chapelle, and Samuel L. Jackson. And a enema. We'd give her that enema, and then play Grand Bay Roulette with her ass: take turns buttfuckin' her and whoever happens to be fuckin' her when she happens to take a shit is the loser and has to walk home. Chris would lose, and would later use the line "so I was fuckin' this cow, right.." to segway in his standup routine. The hole thing would later be immortalized in a saturday night live skit featuring Chris Farley as the cow.

So the next time you find yourself dating a racist or Nazi or something, this WWFD.