Get some booty in honor of the Godfather of Soul.
Update: done, and done.
Tuesday, January 2, 2007
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
flapjack needs fatback
I want the big fat
I want the pig fat
I wanna get my pork on
get my Robert Bork on
I need some soul food
I need some ol' food
I had a dream that collard greens
was like the tigers in the zoo
endangered, rangered, and protected
found only at the meat and two
no more mamas fryin chicken
no more young'uns eatin biscuits
no more bacon in the mornin'
except at waffle house and that ain't right
but the south gonna rise again, ya'll
the fat's gonna fry again, ya'll
gotta go ridin' on my Hatch back
gotta get drunk and cook the fatback
need some pork in them black eye'd peazes
slippery slimey okra sleazes
the beer done made me need the greases
them greases any bender eases
back in the day I'd smoke a doobie
read some porn and slap my poobie
but I done got a wife and kids, ya'll
I can't afford to hit the skids, ya'll
so stuff me full o' Brassica oleracaea
till I look like Jabba with Princess Leia
belchin, fartin, eatin frogs, bitch
then smoke me up a big ole hog, bitch
slow and low
till it falls off the bone
slow and low
then take me home...
I was raised on shrimp and crabmeat.
gumbo served at every swapmeat
not too spicy, this ain't Nawlins,
just enough to get me drawlin'
haulin up them nets from trawlin'
come over here and be mah darlin'
I want the pig fat
I wanna get my pork on
get my Robert Bork on
I need some soul food
I need some ol' food
I had a dream that collard greens
was like the tigers in the zoo
endangered, rangered, and protected
found only at the meat and two
no more mamas fryin chicken
no more young'uns eatin biscuits
no more bacon in the mornin'
except at waffle house and that ain't right
but the south gonna rise again, ya'll
the fat's gonna fry again, ya'll
gotta go ridin' on my Hatch back
gotta get drunk and cook the fatback
need some pork in them black eye'd peazes
slippery slimey okra sleazes
the beer done made me need the greases
them greases any bender eases
back in the day I'd smoke a doobie
read some porn and slap my poobie
but I done got a wife and kids, ya'll
I can't afford to hit the skids, ya'll
so stuff me full o' Brassica oleracaea
till I look like Jabba with Princess Leia
belchin, fartin, eatin frogs, bitch
then smoke me up a big ole hog, bitch
slow and low
till it falls off the bone
slow and low
then take me home...
I was raised on shrimp and crabmeat.
gumbo served at every swapmeat
not too spicy, this ain't Nawlins,
just enough to get me drawlin'
haulin up them nets from trawlin'
come over here and be mah darlin'
in the Axe feeling insecure dept.
Partial list of celebrities, past and present, gay and straight, living and dead, that chicks dig more than they dig the Axe Murderer.
.. more to come.
- John Cusack
- Johnny Depp
- River Pheonix
- Joachim Pheonix
- Jake Gyllenhal
- Patrick Dempsey ("Dr. McDreamy")
- David Duchovny
- George Clooney
- Brendan Frasier
- Jimmy Stewart ("Mr. Smith Goes to Washington" era)
- Gary Cooper ("Mr. Deeds Goes to Town" era)
- Hugh Laurie (
"Dr. House"Wooster) - French Stewart
- Harry Connick Jr.
- Scott Patterson (this guy, not this guy)
- Toby Huss (Artie, the strongest man in the world)
- Russell Crowe
- Peter Sellers
- Malcolm McDowell
- Bill Murray ("Lost in Translation" era)
- Judge Freakin' Reinhold
- Rufus Wainwright
- Robert Downey, Jr.
- Anthony Bourdain
- (reserved for future use)
.. more to come.
all hot chicks are bi
in my dirty mind all hot chicks are bi
in my dirty mind all hot chicks are bi
i know its a cliche that they make fun of on tv
on tv shows like scrubs and even N.Y.P.D.
i won't try to explain it or
guess the reasons why
but in a guys mind all hot chicks are bi
its the same old boring story
but the truth usually is
when i'm fantasizing
girl on girl stuff makes me jizz
i won't try to explain it or
guess the reasons why
but in a guys mind all hot chicks are bi
you know that there's no porno
that i could hide under my bed
that ever match the porno that
lives inside my head
i won't try to explain it or
guess the reasons why
but in a guys mind all hot chicks are bi
nothing gets me quite as horny
nothing gets me quite as jazzed
as when I think another woman
wants my woman's ass.
i won't try to explain it or
guess the reasons why
but in a guys mind all hot chicks are bi
in my dirty mind all hot chicks are bi
i know its a cliche that they make fun of on tv
on tv shows like scrubs and even N.Y.P.D.
i won't try to explain it or
guess the reasons why
but in a guys mind all hot chicks are bi
its the same old boring story
but the truth usually is
when i'm fantasizing
girl on girl stuff makes me jizz
i won't try to explain it or
guess the reasons why
but in a guys mind all hot chicks are bi
you know that there's no porno
that i could hide under my bed
that ever match the porno that
lives inside my head
i won't try to explain it or
guess the reasons why
but in a guys mind all hot chicks are bi
nothing gets me quite as horny
nothing gets me quite as jazzed
as when I think another woman
wants my woman's ass.
i won't try to explain it or
guess the reasons why
but in a guys mind all hot chicks are bi
raise ya hand
raise ya hand if ya muthafuckin sleepy
raise ya hand if ya needa shitload o' coffee
raise ya hand if ya wuz up past midnite
raise ya hand if ya got booty last night
raise ya hand if ya woke up nekkid
stumbled to work without even shavin
sleepin on ya break in the clothes ya wore last nite
raise ya hand if ya got booty last night
raise ya hand if ya still feel kinda sticky
smell like ya own cum and ya dick is rubbed raw
worn out from fuckin a ass that was too tight
raise ya hand if ya got booty last night
raise ya hand if ya needa shitload o' coffee
raise ya hand if ya wuz up past midnite
raise ya hand if ya got booty last night
raise ya hand if ya woke up nekkid
stumbled to work without even shavin
sleepin on ya break in the clothes ya wore last nite
raise ya hand if ya got booty last night
raise ya hand if ya still feel kinda sticky
smell like ya own cum and ya dick is rubbed raw
worn out from fuckin a ass that was too tight
raise ya hand if ya got booty last night
this iz what happens when ya drink an write code
this is what happens when ya drink and write code
the ghouls all came to my humble abode
two shitty bars on tha wireless connection
ya'll know my lady's got the whitest complexion
this is what happens when you drink and use netbeans
the ho's wanna know what "suffragette" means
nothing goin' on in the holiday inn, yo
dreamin' bout that woman with the whitest of skin, yo
this is what happens when flapjack gets lonely
I miss my lady and I miss my homeys
take me back to muthatfuckin 1997
take me back to Bama, lord take me back to Heaven
this is what happens when ya get drunk in MoCo
all fucked up wit no place to go-go
wake me up before you finish rapin' my A-hole
leave me one twenty five for the god damn Ride-On
the ghouls all came to my humble abode
two shitty bars on tha wireless connection
ya'll know my lady's got the whitest complexion
this is what happens when you drink and use netbeans
the ho's wanna know what "suffragette" means
nothing goin' on in the holiday inn, yo
dreamin' bout that woman with the whitest of skin, yo
this is what happens when flapjack gets lonely
I miss my lady and I miss my homeys
take me back to muthatfuckin 1997
take me back to Bama, lord take me back to Heaven
this is what happens when ya get drunk in MoCo
all fucked up wit no place to go-go
wake me up before you finish rapin' my A-hole
leave me one twenty five for the god damn Ride-On
~!@#$%^&*
fuck comment spam
fuck birmingham
fuck montgomery and you know where I am
fuck atlanta too
fuck the fuckin' zoo
fuck D.C. and fuck the Jersey Shoo
fuck king crimson
fuck jimmy jimmerson
fuck chester sprinkle and ralph waldo emmerson.
fuck comment spam
fuck Adams comma Sam
fuck shit piss cunt bitch god damn
fuck fuck fuck fuckety fuck
fuck face suck face
shit cunt hit cunt bit cunt lit cunt
fuck fuck fuck fuck
SPAM!
fuck birmingham
fuck montgomery and you know where I am
fuck atlanta too
fuck the fuckin' zoo
fuck D.C. and fuck the Jersey Shoo
fuck king crimson
fuck jimmy jimmerson
fuck chester sprinkle and ralph waldo emmerson.
fuck comment spam
fuck Adams comma Sam
fuck shit piss cunt bitch god damn
fuck fuck fuck fuckety fuck
fuck face suck face
shit cunt hit cunt bit cunt lit cunt
fuck fuck fuck fuck
SPAM!
katie's pregnant
(first written back when we first learned that Katie Holmes was pregnant with Tom Cruise's thetan spawn)
Katie's pregnant, lemme tell ya what
she's gonna git a big ole butt
ya know it's Axe that knocked 'er up
and he didn't use no paper cup
Axe got da skinny. wait'll she gets fat
and leave the rest to ole Flap Jack.
Katie's pregnant, lemme tell ya what
she's gonna git a big ole butt
ya know it's Axe that knocked 'er up
and he didn't use no paper cup
Axe got da skinny. wait'll she gets fat
and leave the rest to ole Flap Jack.
this iz what happens when ya drink and compute
This is what happens when ya drink and compute.
Last nite I got myself some booty ta boot.
But not tonite cause I'm too drunk to fuck.
This is what happens when ya drink like a canuck.
This is what happens you ya drink and write email.
Ya'll know I gots me one fine female.
Last nite I had myself a doggie style rump ride.
This is what happens then ya dick is like raw hide.
This is what happens when you drink and go bloggin'
get ya self laid but ya can't rhyme fa nothin'
smack dat butt and roll ya mama ovah
mutha fuckins shout outs to poobie and nova
Last nite I got myself some booty ta boot.
But not tonite cause I'm too drunk to fuck.
This is what happens when ya drink like a canuck.
This is what happens you ya drink and write email.
Ya'll know I gots me one fine female.
Last nite I had myself a doggie style rump ride.
This is what happens then ya dick is like raw hide.
This is what happens when you drink and go bloggin'
get ya self laid but ya can't rhyme fa nothin'
smack dat butt and roll ya mama ovah
mutha fuckins shout outs to poobie and nova
the axe murderer's junior prom
Did the axe ever tell any of ya'll about his junior prom? Apparently, he asked some poor old fat girl in his class to the prom because she liked his poetry or some bullshit like that. Also, her dad was the little 80-year old man with no jaw who bagged the groceries down at Schambeau's.
Then he got to know her a little bit better, and found out that she was a racist sack of shit. Said the n-word all the time, had been kicked out of her old high school because she kept getting in fights with all the black chicks, etc.
So the little old 16 year old longhaired motherfucker someday to be known as the axe murderer decided that maybe this wasn't a girl he wanted to date after all. Of course by then it was too late, he'd already went out and got his hair cut in a mullet for that girl. Also, she'd already bought the damn dress or something and she gave him all kinds of bullshit when he tried to break up with her, so he ended up taking her anyway. In a fucking limo, no less!
She wanted to go to a chinese restaurant in Tillman's Corner called "House of Chin". Bitch already had a couple of chins, why'd she wanna go get another one? But they ended up going to a steak and seafood place where the Axe couldn't get his steak well done and that spoiled stupid chick kept bitching 'bout there being bits of crab shell in whatever she was eatin. Bitch, when you eat shit made outta real crabs there's gonna be some shell. That's how you fuckin know it's real!
At the prom, the girl's mom and big burly gay biker looking stepdad was there with a video camera to film the poor Axe Murderer's doom. After the sickening dancing was over, she wanted to go to a hotel, presumably to fuck, and apparently with the blessing of mom and ole Leonard Smalls.
But Axe wasn't having any of that shit. After taking that girl home and getting rid of the limo, he went off speeding around in his daddy's 1986 town car and listening to Guns N' Roses and crying his fucking eyes out like a little fucking baby. Lemme get this straight, Axe, not only did you have a miserable fucking time at your prom, but you also passed up your one and only chance to get laid in high school like a real person does? And then later you wrote a coupla of songs that nobody will ever hear about what a bitch she was, and to top it off you stole the title "powercow" from somebody else and never gave them credit. And you never tole her none of this shit to her face. And years later you still sometimes whack off thinking about that damn bitch and what she did to you. Fuck you, you little pansy ass whooping boy.
Lemme tell what Flapjack woulda done. I'd a took her back to the hotel, and fucked her in the ass. You'd have to be pretty damn blind to not know that a bitch like that must be a hard core butt slut. I'd a tied her to the bed so she couldn't git away, tied her mouth shut so that the only noise she could make was "mmmmmooooooo" like the big fat cow she was, and fucked her in the ass saying "mooo, you fucking cow!"
But that ain't all. Then I'd leave her tied up there, and leave the hotel. After several hours, I come back with Chris Rock, Dave Chapelle, and Samuel L. Jackson. And a enema. We'd give her that enema, and then play Grand Bay Roulette with her ass: take turns buttfuckin' her and whoever happens to be fuckin' her when she happens to take a shit is the loser and has to walk home. Chris would lose, and would later use the line "so I was fuckin' this cow, right.." to segway in his standup routine. The hole thing would later be immortalized in a saturday night live skit featuring Chris Farley as the cow.
So the next time you find yourself dating a racist or Nazi or something, this WWFD.
Then he got to know her a little bit better, and found out that she was a racist sack of shit. Said the n-word all the time, had been kicked out of her old high school because she kept getting in fights with all the black chicks, etc.
So the little old 16 year old longhaired motherfucker someday to be known as the axe murderer decided that maybe this wasn't a girl he wanted to date after all. Of course by then it was too late, he'd already went out and got his hair cut in a mullet for that girl. Also, she'd already bought the damn dress or something and she gave him all kinds of bullshit when he tried to break up with her, so he ended up taking her anyway. In a fucking limo, no less!
She wanted to go to a chinese restaurant in Tillman's Corner called "House of Chin". Bitch already had a couple of chins, why'd she wanna go get another one? But they ended up going to a steak and seafood place where the Axe couldn't get his steak well done and that spoiled stupid chick kept bitching 'bout there being bits of crab shell in whatever she was eatin. Bitch, when you eat shit made outta real crabs there's gonna be some shell. That's how you fuckin know it's real!
At the prom, the girl's mom and big burly gay biker looking stepdad was there with a video camera to film the poor Axe Murderer's doom. After the sickening dancing was over, she wanted to go to a hotel, presumably to fuck, and apparently with the blessing of mom and ole Leonard Smalls.
But Axe wasn't having any of that shit. After taking that girl home and getting rid of the limo, he went off speeding around in his daddy's 1986 town car and listening to Guns N' Roses and crying his fucking eyes out like a little fucking baby. Lemme get this straight, Axe, not only did you have a miserable fucking time at your prom, but you also passed up your one and only chance to get laid in high school like a real person does? And then later you wrote a coupla of songs that nobody will ever hear about what a bitch she was, and to top it off you stole the title "powercow" from somebody else and never gave them credit. And you never tole her none of this shit to her face. And years later you still sometimes whack off thinking about that damn bitch and what she did to you. Fuck you, you little pansy ass whooping boy.
Lemme tell what Flapjack woulda done. I'd a took her back to the hotel, and fucked her in the ass. You'd have to be pretty damn blind to not know that a bitch like that must be a hard core butt slut. I'd a tied her to the bed so she couldn't git away, tied her mouth shut so that the only noise she could make was "mmmmmooooooo" like the big fat cow she was, and fucked her in the ass saying "mooo, you fucking cow!"
But that ain't all. Then I'd leave her tied up there, and leave the hotel. After several hours, I come back with Chris Rock, Dave Chapelle, and Samuel L. Jackson. And a enema. We'd give her that enema, and then play Grand Bay Roulette with her ass: take turns buttfuckin' her and whoever happens to be fuckin' her when she happens to take a shit is the loser and has to walk home. Chris would lose, and would later use the line "so I was fuckin' this cow, right.." to segway in his standup routine. The hole thing would later be immortalized in a saturday night live skit featuring Chris Farley as the cow.
So the next time you find yourself dating a racist or Nazi or something, this WWFD.
root/boot patoot
root/boot patoot
bebop de boot
dutch van der groot
root/boot patoot
root/boot cachoo
queen cat balloo
bayleaf the roux
root/boot cachoo
root/boot caboose
bullwinkle moose
muscadine juice
root/boot caboose
root/boot shaloop
ya mama gone poop
hot crawdad soup
root/boot shaloup
root/boot patoot
bebop de boot
dutch van der groot
root/boot patoot
song for kathy
you're not gettin' in there kathy
i know you wanna get my dank
cuz I know that you're a horse
and I'm getting a divorce
to keep you from eatin my hay
you're not gettin outta here kathy
this time I'm lockin up the door
so take off the people suit
and get down to the booty boot
and whinnie like the horse that you are
you're not gettin' in there kathy
I sent the monkey back to the fridge
so quit all your bickerin
an get down an start dickerin
while the orangutan brings me a beer
you're not gettin outta here kathy
i'm throwin away the key this time
cuz I need your horsey lovin
put some pizza in the oven
and get ready to commit some crimes
non-porn movies that rock
Bad Santa. Definately. Billy Bob Thornton wears a Santa costume, is
drunk the entire movie, and fucks chicks in the ass. One can only
dream that at least some of this was inspired by experience with
Angelina Jolie. Lauren Graham screaming "fuck me santa!" makes the
movie. The only disappointment is the shocking lack of Lauren Graham
being fucked in the ass. He fucks other chicks in the ass, why not
her? They didn't even put it on the DVD.
drunk the entire movie, and fucks chicks in the ass. One can only
dream that at least some of this was inspired by experience with
Angelina Jolie. Lauren Graham screaming "fuck me santa!" makes the
movie. The only disappointment is the shocking lack of Lauren Graham
being fucked in the ass. He fucks other chicks in the ass, why not
her? They didn't even put it on the DVD.
They call me Flapjack cuz my dick is floppy.
They call me Flapjack cuz my dick is floppy.
Cuz'n I fuck like an old jalopy.
"Cousin" is my name when I fuck your sister.
When I fuck your mama she has to call me "Mister".
They call me Flapjack when my dick is flaccid.
Slappin' on the water on the shores of Lake Placid.
Slappin' on the water like a god damn beaver.
Slap your mama's booty like she was June Cleaver.
They call me Flapjack cuz' I like the butter.
Sticky maple syrup all over your mother.
Sticky flicky dicky till I get me a woody.
Wiki wiki wiki in your girlfriend's booty.
Cuz'n I fuck like an old jalopy.
"Cousin" is my name when I fuck your sister.
When I fuck your mama she has to call me "Mister".
They call me Flapjack when my dick is flaccid.
Slappin' on the water on the shores of Lake Placid.
Slappin' on the water like a god damn beaver.
Slap your mama's booty like she was June Cleaver.
They call me Flapjack cuz' I like the butter.
Sticky maple syrup all over your mother.
Sticky flicky dicky till I get me a woody.
Wiki wiki wiki in your girlfriend's booty.
an email I stole from the axe murderer's mailbox
That perverted little fuckstick been writin about me for ten years, stealin my best lines. I've had it with that shit. I'm outin' him as the sick twisted little plagiarizer that he is. And a pervert, too. But first, one of his private emails.
Date: Mon, 11 Aug 1997 19:55:24 -0500 (CDT)
From: axe murderer
To: axe murderer
Subject: note to self
(vivacious, with be-pop and/or alterna-rock sound.)
i saw you reading it when you thought no one was around
i saw you reading it when you damned it so out loud
you trash so many things that know nothing about
i guess you'd been so cruel that you wanted to find out
i saw you reading it and i know just what it was
it was not the bible and it wasn't atlas shrugged
i'm not gonna tell you so know won't know when to stop
i saw you reading it when you thought we all were gone
you found out that all were one. /////////////////////
(guitar solo, extra pasty)
i saw you reading it
i saw you smiling
i saw you eating it
i saw you smiling
i saw you reading it
i saw you reading it
i saw you reading it
and i saw you smiling
(drum solo)
watch out for falling rocks!
(FALLING ROCKS)
Falling rocks falling rocks
helpless is as helpless cocks
i cock helpless so dost thou
ond we gebiddon eower hrothgar
Falling rocks falling rocks
ibsen try to capture spock
spock cocks helpless klingons rock
star trek is as star wars mocks
lubben blubben blibben bleb
huggle fuggle higgel keH
miggle muggle bigger BEVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV
erage earl of sandwich und der vrel
BEEEEEEEVVVVVVVVVV and BREAKFAST
(to the tune of 'oh tannenbaum')
Oh beverly my sweet girly i do so dear ador you
oh bev, oh oops i mean stephanie, mine eyes are only for you
not only do i love steph- i mean marie but also dearly
drawn to marie, i mean kimberly
oh kimber-kimber-tara lee, i love you so my
sara- i mean tara- i mean sweet kellie
my sweet kell- in mean hell i mean helena v.
i mean my one and only tel a vi -
sion my wonderful Veronica
and that is the end of my sonica
Now with that unpleasantness behind us, we can now move on to...
The Fabulous
adventures in the land of booty
gonna get da booty
gonna get da booty
gonna get da booty
gonna... gonna... gonna get...
(chorus)
Bend over baby,
i wanna hump dat rump
Bend over baby,
i wanna humd dat rump
i am daddy flapjack and i
want to fool around
i wanna get my big hard cock
in to your fat behind
(chorus)
Bend over baby
I wanna hump dat rump
Bend over baby
I wanna hump dat rump
(bridge)
Bend over baby
I wanna see you pump
bend over baby
or i through you back to da swamp
(cuitar colo)
(repit choeras)
(fade)
[ D@ popz l&tIn brEkf@st ]
[ h&z bIn c&ns@ld frInds ]
[ T&Nks fOR SoIN Intr@st }
[ lONg lIv D@ pop ]
[ lONg lIv D@ pop ]
[ lONg lIv D@ pop ]
[ lONg liv di pop ]
[ SVt Vp apu ]
[ SVt Vp bart ]
Startin to look like perl code, eh ?
Well sight right back and see some real perl
Date: Mon, 11 Aug 1997 19:55:24 -0500 (CDT)
From: axe murderer
To: axe murderer
Subject: note to self
(vivacious, with be-pop and/or alterna-rock sound.)
i saw you reading it when you thought no one was around
i saw you reading it when you damned it so out loud
you trash so many things that know nothing about
i guess you'd been so cruel that you wanted to find out
i saw you reading it and i know just what it was
it was not the bible and it wasn't atlas shrugged
i'm not gonna tell you so know won't know when to stop
i saw you reading it when you thought we all were gone
you found out that all were one. /////////////////////
(guitar solo, extra pasty)
i saw you reading it
i saw you smiling
i saw you eating it
i saw you smiling
i saw you reading it
i saw you reading it
i saw you reading it
and i saw you smiling
(drum solo)
watch out for falling rocks!
(FALLING ROCKS)
Falling rocks falling rocks
helpless is as helpless cocks
i cock helpless so dost thou
ond we gebiddon eower hrothgar
Falling rocks falling rocks
ibsen try to capture spock
spock cocks helpless klingons rock
star trek is as star wars mocks
lubben blubben blibben bleb
huggle fuggle higgel keH
miggle muggle bigger BEVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV
erage earl of sandwich und der vrel
BEEEEEEEVVVVVVVVVV and BREAKFAST
(to the tune of 'oh tannenbaum')
Oh beverly my sweet girly i do so dear ador you
oh bev, oh oops i mean stephanie, mine eyes are only for you
not only do i love steph- i mean marie but also dearly
drawn to marie, i mean kimberly
oh kimber-kimber-tara lee, i love you so my
sara- i mean tara- i mean sweet kellie
my sweet kell- in mean hell i mean helena v.
i mean my one and only tel a vi -
sion my wonderful Veronica
and that is the end of my sonica
Now with that unpleasantness behind us, we can now move on to...
The Fabulous
----- | /---\ |---\ ---- /---\ /--\ | /
|-- | |---| |---/ | |---| | |/
| |_____ | | | \____/ | | \--/ | \
adventures in the land of booty
gonna get da booty
gonna get da booty
gonna get da booty
gonna... gonna... gonna get...
(chorus)
Bend over baby,
i wanna hump dat rump
Bend over baby,
i wanna humd dat rump
i am daddy flapjack and i
want to fool around
i wanna get my big hard cock
in to your fat behind
(chorus)
Bend over baby
I wanna hump dat rump
Bend over baby
I wanna hump dat rump
(bridge)
Bend over baby
I wanna see you pump
bend over baby
or i through you back to da swamp
(cuitar colo)
(repit choeras)
(fade)
[ D@ popz l&tIn brEkf@st ]
[ h&z bIn c&ns@ld frInds ]
[ T&Nks fOR SoIN Intr@st }
[ lONg lIv D@ pop ]
[ lONg lIv D@ pop ]
[ lONg lIv D@ pop ]
[ lONg liv di pop ]
[ SVt Vp apu ]
[ SVt Vp bart ]
Startin to look like perl code, eh ?
Well sight right back and see some real perl
#!/usr/bin/perl
#put the email address of all your friends in .watchrc
open(RCFILE,".watchrc") || die;
while(<RCFILE>)
{
chop;
push (@alist,$_) if $_;
}
$found=0;
while($found==0)
{
foreach $thing (@alist)
{
($uname,$host)=split(/\@/,$thing);
open(FTEXT,"finger \@$host 2>/dev/null |");
while ($fline = )
{
if ($fline =~ /^$uname/)
{
print "\n\a" if ($found==0);
print $fline;
$found=1;
}
}
}
}
i'm a mean motherfucker and I don't give a damn
I'm a mean motherfucker and I don't give a damn
and everybody calls me Flapjack.
All the pretty ladies know just who I am
and everybody calls me Flapjack.
I'm a mean motherfucker and I don't give a damn
and everybody calls me Flapjack.
I'm gonna go out and get me some dank !
I'm a mean motherfucker and I don't give a damn
and everybody calls me Flapjack.
My mama was a 40 and my daddy was a blunt
and everybody calls me Flapjack.
When I come around the corner all the motherfuckers run
and everybody calls me Flapjack.
My mama was a 40 and my daddy was a blunt
and everybody calls me Flapjack.
I'm gonna go out and get me some cunt!
'Cause I'm a mean motherfucker and I don't give a damn
and everybody calls me Flapjack.
and everybody calls me Flapjack.
All the pretty ladies know just who I am
and everybody calls me Flapjack.
I'm a mean motherfucker and I don't give a damn
and everybody calls me Flapjack.
I'm gonna go out and get me some dank !
I'm a mean motherfucker and I don't give a damn
and everybody calls me Flapjack.
My mama was a 40 and my daddy was a blunt
and everybody calls me Flapjack.
When I come around the corner all the motherfuckers run
and everybody calls me Flapjack.
My mama was a 40 and my daddy was a blunt
and everybody calls me Flapjack.
I'm gonna go out and get me some cunt!
'Cause I'm a mean motherfucker and I don't give a damn
and everybody calls me Flapjack.
My Get Rich Quick Scheme
I'm gonna start a business that sends out hott-ass naked chicks to
office buildings, to do shit like change toner cartridges in the
printers and copiers.
I'm gonna call it "PrinterBitch" or "TonerHo" or somethin like that.
Everybody knows that all the chicks who work in offices are mostly
half bi anyway, so they'll like it just as much as the men.
We currently have two employees. And we operate in the greater Bayou La Batre area. That includes Coden, Fowl River, Irvington, and Saint Elmo. (Grand Bay, I'll be dead in the cold cold ground before I add you to my service area. Fuck all that Alma Bryant shit. Get'em Jaws!)
Please specify which girl you want when you call to place your order.
SKU# PB0001
Specialty: copiers, faxes
Race: white
Build: rail thin
Hair: mouse brown
Eyes: gray
Smoker: yes
Interests: dogs, Chevy Camaros, enemas
Guys: world-weary bloodshot hard drinkers, guitarists
SKU# PB0002
Specialty: printers, scanners
Race: asian or pacific islander
Build: ample!
Hair: black (duh!)
Eyes: brown (no shit!)
Smoker: no
Interests: sports, photography, other chicks
Guys: nerds, simple country boys, guitarists
office buildings, to do shit like change toner cartridges in the
printers and copiers.
I'm gonna call it "PrinterBitch" or "TonerHo" or somethin like that.
Everybody knows that all the chicks who work in offices are mostly
half bi anyway, so they'll like it just as much as the men.
We currently have two employees. And we operate in the greater Bayou La Batre area. That includes Coden, Fowl River, Irvington, and Saint Elmo. (Grand Bay, I'll be dead in the cold cold ground before I add you to my service area. Fuck all that Alma Bryant shit. Get'em Jaws!)
Please specify which girl you want when you call to place your order.
SKU# PB0001
Specialty: copiers, faxes
Race: white
Build: rail thin
Hair: mouse brown
Eyes: gray
Smoker: yes
Interests: dogs, Chevy Camaros, enemas
Guys: world-weary bloodshot hard drinkers, guitarists
SKU# PB0002
Specialty: printers, scanners
Race: asian or pacific islander
Build: ample!
Hair: black (duh!)
Eyes: brown (no shit!)
Smoker: no
Interests: sports, photography, other chicks
Guys: nerds, simple country boys, guitarists
Norcross Munipcal Anthem (Not)
Norcross.
Whore boss.
Boar hoss.
Boar hog.
Al Gore's dog.
Whore Bag
Fat Fag.
Rat Killer!
Whale Thriller!
Hairy as a Gorilla.
Fairy Dust.
Awesome Bust
Awesome Blossom.
Awesome Possom.
Whore boss.
Boar hoss.
Boar hog.
Al Gore's dog.
Whore Bag
Fat Fag.
Rat Killer!
Whale Thriller!
Hairy as a Gorilla.
Fairy Dust.
Awesome Bust
Awesome Blossom.
Awesome Possom.
what the hell is this?
This blog is the thoughts and writings of Flapjack, minimally edited for wider audiences. The raw, uncensored, full-on pizza files fucked up Flapjack content will be available only in person (and possibly another, undisclosed, location).
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